Lies Preachers Tell #7

Do preachers lie because they apprehend the Doctrine incorrectly? or do they lie because the lies they tell ensure the contributions to their 'ministry' will be as lucrative as a lie can make them? Do they lie because they know no other way of communicating? Do they lie because they don't believe in the Lord whose name they invoke over all they say and do? Perhaps they simply don't possess the common sense to know the truth, even when it slaps them with iron- fisted gauntlet across the cock- sucker.

Whatever or however the case may be, most preachers do lie, and each most likely for their own reasons in their own time. Those who don't lie are usually milk- sops pouring out 'doctrine' of sugar- water into congregations of cockroaches. Glory be; hallelujah; and pass the mustard gas.

One thing these Protestant preachers are ever- fond of doing is taking a thing spoken to Jews out- of- context to apply it to Gentiles. To a cockatrice-- and in the sensibilities of his 'fiery' baby snakes-- I suppose this seems 'egalitarian' in 'spirit.' In a word: it's likewise simply a lie. One such 'derailleur' which every thundering 'locomotive' of a preacher pushing Protestant 'trains' seems hell- bound to hit in just such a manner is expounded by Christ in his seminole 'sermon on the mount.'

In Matthew 7:1 (et. al.), Christ tells the Jews-- who judged him unclean and worthy of death-- "Judge not, that ye be not judged." He goes on, in verse 2, to describe the judgement they shall receive in response to so misjudging him-- as we know, in fact, they did: "For with what judgement ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye meet, it shall be measured to you again."

Now, a Protestant preacher will tell all who will listen that these verses apply-- not only to the Jews to whom they were addressed, but-- to all men everywhere, throughout all time. But all men are-- we hope-- not hypocrites. If all were hypocrites, everywhere, throughout all time: the Protestant preachers would be justified in laying this finger on us all. Clearly, however, this would be the only set of circumstances which would justify the judgmental mentality and preaching of Protestant preachers. I say this much is clear, in light of the text itself.

Verse 5 of Matthew 7 reads: "Thou hypocrite [there's the target], first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye." In Paul's somewhat simpler 'tongue,' this means: "For if we would judge ourselves, we should not be judged [1 Corinthians 11:31]." In the words of the rock 'n' roll prophets: "Before you accuse me, take a look at yourself."

.As to the hypocrisy Jesus takes aim at in the first five verses of Matthew 7, perhaps an anecdote will best serve. I was collecting recyclables on my bicycle, with my backpack-- containing all my worldly possessions-- on my back, and a Protestant preacher exited a church along my route to give me a ten- dollar bill. Being subtle, he said something about "a pack of cigarettes." I thanked him, and expressed my chagrin that so many 'holy Joes' only judge one who smokes unworthy of any such beneficence. His response was to inform me-- in a scolding tone more appropriate when addressing an infant-- that I, as a Christian, should not be 'judgemental.' Therefore and thereby, this preacher 'judged' me as 'judgemental.' I later learned the reason he mentioned cigarettes was so he could judge me unworthy of further beneficences, upon discovering my 'vice.' Thus, in one short exchange, this preacher 'judged' me twice: once for being-- like him-- 'judgemental.'

Lies Preachers Tell #3

One lie Protestant preachers tell perennially I refer to as "the Watchman Lie." Have you ever heard "The Watchman Sermon?" I have; too many times. I'm so bored with the hermeneutic, it's painful to write about.

Every time I've suffered this "Watchman Sermon," the preacher bringing it invariably, and even euphemistically, refers to himself as "The Watchman on the Wall," and says something to the effect of, "I'm not watching out for your property or your possessions. It's not my job to warn you against toxic, un- American presidents or power- hungry senators and congressmen. I'm not here to save you from the tax man or from divorce court. I'm looking out for something of inestimably more value than your worthless life! I'm looking out for your eternal souls!" Thus, though perhaps unwittingly, he tells on himself as the one any true watchman would be warning us of.

A watchman is a watchman, not an appraiser. A watchman is a true conservative. Everything you have is a thing your watchman wants you to keep. A watchman watches, man: even over the little things like your step. All others are pretenders, and if you've ever looked at a deck of tarot cards, you know who the Pretender is. As Christ said, "He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much: and he that is unjust in the least is unjust also in much. If therefore ye have not been faithful in the unrighteous mammon, [i. e. property, mineral rights, money, etc.] who will commit to your trust the true riches [souls and the heavenly treasures of scribes]?" (Luke 16:10 & 11) If he doesn't care about your prosperity, he's not even looking out for his own: he's simply a destroyer.